FRIENDS...

I was just lying down on the bed last night, trying to sleep but I couldn’t. I thought about how much I miss home. How much I miss my friends… And then it struck me how few friends I’ve got in my life… And how little I actually appreciate them (I hardly keep in touch with them!) =( Now, they're probably gonna be a lil less as this post may or may not offend some of them.

I mean, yea, sure… I may have hundreds of friends on MSN and Facebook. But I would have to say that I hardly ever talk to them… And they’re mostly acquaintances… Think about it – do you talk/chat with everyone on your list? I’m sure I would be right to answer “NO” on all your behalf. You probably only chat with about 10-20% of the people who are in your list. As for me, I only chat with my family members and a handful (or two handfuls) of my friends. And they are my close friends as well as friends whom I’ve known for years. They are the ones whom I’m able to ‘click’ with.

I guess I’d have to say that I kindda categorise my friends as ‘Close Friends’, ‘Friends’ and ‘Acquaintances’. As you may have realised, there’s NO ‘Best Friends’ category cos I simply don’t believe in it – at least not anymore after such disappointment… (Although some of you may say that ‘Close Friends’ are ‘Best Friends’, etc). However, I’m glad that my ‘Close Friends’ have been able to find their own ‘Best Friend(s)’. Perhaps one day, I’ll be able to find my own and believe in it once more? Perhaps NOT…

‘Close Friends’ – Sorry, but for me, there are only FOUR of them (and ‘you’ should know who ‘you’ are!). You are the ones whom I’ve known and been able to be close with. You are the ONLY ones whom I can confide in…

The One I’ve Known Since Primary School – I’m really glad that I got to know you. We’ve known each other for more than a decade now but have only started being friends after our PCE exams in 1999. I guess this is sorta like a confession, but I’ll have to admit that I’ve always been afraid to speak my mind around you for fear of you being judgemental about me. There are times (quite often) that I tell you some things only after I tell ‘her’. Perhaps it’s easier for me to confide in ‘her’ first? However, I’ve come to realise that you’re NOT that way at all. In fact, I think you receive opinions really well (without being judgemental at all!). Perhaps I'm the one being judgemental all these time?

P/S: I love the fact that you don’t give a damn about what others think!

The One I’ve Known Since Secondary School – To me, you’ve always been the wildest among us and I’ve always envied you. And I still do! You’ve got so much charisma! I can’t believe I’m actually saying this but there are times when I feel like I wanna be you or just like you… You and ‘her’ have always been so confident; being able excel in your studies while having fun despite what you guys have gone through while I’m just stuck in between you guys being a C-grade student! This is kindda why I’ve always walked behind instead of beside you guys when we were in school even though the corridors are wide enough for the three of us!

The One I’ve Known Since They Left – Despite our differences (except for the fact that we both love the same colour), we’ve been able to ‘click’! We’ve shared our part of ups and downs during the last few years… And I’m sorry that I kept bugging you! Hehe… I hope that you don’t mind (although I do find myself very annoying at times!) I loved being over at your place especially that year! Thank you so much for welcoming me to your home. I kindda felt guilty for ‘tumpang makan’ at your place though! Can’t help it cos the foods were yummy!

The One I’ve Known Since The ‘Training’ – You are one hell of a wild and crazy wacko! You never fail to make me laugh! Among the four of you, I think you should know me the best despite the fact that I’ve known you for a shorter period of time as compared to them… We’ve been through quite a lot together during these short few years… To be honest, I really missed you during our ‘misunderstanding’ (or whatever you wanna call it). I feel so silly now for being the way that I’ve been over such a lil silly thing as that! I miss just hanging out with you and laughing our arses off and just lazing about and doing nothing… I know that your parents were VERY annoyed with our behaviour especially us being girls! Hehe…

To all FOUR of you – I wanna apologise for anything that I may have done to upset/hurt any of you in any way at all (perhaps even through what I say in this blog). I’m sorry that I may seem like I didn’t listen (although I did!) when you guys were talking to/ confiding in me. I know I yawned a lot (and I still do!) And I’m also sorry for being such a lousy friend (I’m sure you realise that we hardly keep in touch!)

But I just wanna thank you for always being there for me in times of need. Thanks for being my confidant by lending me your ears and your caring hugs. Thanks for welcoming me into your homes despite my lack of manners! But most of all, I wanna THANK YOU for being MY TRUE FRIENDS!

‘Friends’ – You’ve got lotsa them! You usually hang out in groups. They are the ones whom you’ve always known but only ‘click’ for a while. This is because after a few conversations, you just suddenly run out of topics to talk about and just move on. They are the ones that you can talk to but not confide in. They are in your ‘Circle of Friends’. They are your ‘schoolmates’, ‘ex-schoolmates’, ‘colleagues’, etc…

‘Acquaintances’ – They are the ones whom you know only either by their name or by the way they look or sometimes both. You see them at gatherings (or whatever functions, or you just happen to go to the same Yoga class…). They are usually a family’s friend or a friend’s friend, etc whom you’ve been introduced to (or not). You only talk with them when you feel like you should or are being forced to cos they are there and it’s only right to strike a conversation with them. Otherwise, you’ll have to stare blankly ahead, eat your food, text your friend(s) or play with your fingers, necklace, etc like I always seem to be doing at gatherings when the people that I can ‘click’ with aren’t around. However, interesting conversations may break out sometimes…!

Well, I guess that's all that I've got to say on this topic for now...

And I wish you all a pleasant evening...

p/s: I think I might've sounded a lil harsh in some areas! Once again, I'm sorry!